Thursday, October 1, 2015

Hippo Relocation to Rivers of America Caught in Star Wars

Darth Vader loves choking Animatronic Hippos to death with the dark side of the Force.

Greetings Hippo Heroes!  Another summer has passed in our constant fight to save the Animatronic Hippos here in Anaheim.  We were fortunate that we were able over the last few months to make headway on a project very near and dear to our hearts.  As you may remember 4 years ago, when we launched our online campaign, we revealed our plans for the Hippo Relocation Program.  Our initial plans were to petition for the hippos to be relocated to other "safer" waterways in the Magic Kingdom.  Our team spent many months doing research in the field to find our beloved animatronic animals a new home.

We initially gravitated towards relocation to other water-based attractions.  Pirates of the Caribbean and Splash Mountain both being obvious choices for both proximity to the jungle and the already thriving populations of animatronic animals in each attraction.  Our teams conducted more research during our refined search and came to the conclusion that neither of the two rides infrastructure could support the demanding needs of such a large animatronic creature as the Jungle Cruise Hippos.

Pirates of the Caribbean was very quickly taken off of the list.  Although there were several large lagoons that our Hippos would have found to be very spacious, we had to decline due to the amount of firearms present.  We also had reason to believe that the animatronic pirates, who primarily inhabit the space, have even less regard for animatronic life than Jungle Cruise Skippers.  Personally I believe that the Animatronic Pirates are in desperate need of rehabilitation for their flagrant substance abuse problems.  But I will save that blog post for

Splash Mountain was not ideal because of the narrow waterways.  Although they are quite friendly, Animatronic hippos could quite easily overturn a log in such a narrow space. In addition the animatronic animal population of Splash Mountain is quite large and there really was not enough room for a hippo to live comfortably. 

So we started back at square one and continued our search.  It wasn't until early this year that we finally set our eyes on The Rivers of America.

The Mark Twain Riverboat makes it's way along the peaceful waterways of the Rivers of America.

The Rivers of America was the ideal choice.  Large waterways, peaceful atmosphere, and no danger of being shot at by trigger happy skippers.  We began to pursue this option and were doing so without interference until last week.

A week ago, Disney announced plans to shut down Big Thunder Ranch, Disneyland Railroad, and all shows and attractions on the Rivers of America for 18 months to make way for construction of their new Star Wars Land.  The ideal relocation spot, near the back North-East corner of the river, will be removed and the train tracks will be moved south to make way for the expansion.  Nearly a quarter of the rivers will be removed to make way for Star Wars.

Everyone here at the AAHCS is frustrated by this announcement.  We will not be able to resume our relocation efforts until July 2017 at the earliest.  We need all of your continued support more than ever during this dark time.  We must save the Animatronic Hippos before it is too late!!!

Thank you all.


Caitlin Wahlstrom

Jeremy Kohrs

Tuesday, September 8, 2015

Disney Reveals Plans to Profit on Animatronic Hippo Slaughter With New Breakfast Option

We here at the AAHCS had thought we had seen it all.  There was nothing else the Walt Disney Company could do to exploit the endangered Animatronic Hippo.  We were wrong.

You can now have your breakfast with a side of MURDER!!!
Just a few days ago the Mouse House announced it's plans to take breakfast reservations on the Jungle Cruise ride.  The website says the following...

"Your Sunrise Safari will begin with a welcome from the Jungle Navigation Company, Ltd., before you dive into breakfast on the African veldt of the world-famous Jungle Cruise attraction in Adventureland. I would be “lion” if I said this wasn’t a special opportunity — it’s not everyday that you get a chance to dine in the attraction.
 Following breakfast, you’re going to get a crash course in Jungle Skipper training before getting behind the wheel of your own boat to recite that famous spiel. Upon your Initiation into the elite “Fraternal League of Secret Skippers,” you’ll receive an exclusive keepsake—a tribal mask inspired by original concept art for the Jungle Cruise attraction."
We can't even begin to describe how disgusting this is.  Although not explicitly stated in the itinerary, the initiation ritual into the "Fraternal Leage of Secret Skippers" is exactly what you would think...

Our efforts toward the conservation of Anaheim's Animatronic Hippo population has never been more important than it is now.  We thank all of our followers and ask for your continued support as we try to save these majestic creatures for future generations.

Save the Hippos!

Caitlin Wahlstrom

Jeremy Kohrs

Wednesday, February 25, 2015

Disneyland to celebrate it’s “Blood Diamond” Anniversary

Disneyland opened it’s gates for the first time on July 17, 1955.  An optimistic and carefree America was there to ensure it’s success.  But there was also something there that day that would cast a dark cloud over Anaheim for the next 60 years.
Yes my friends, I am referring to…
The Jungle Cruise.

Since day one, Jungle Cruise Skippers have been navigating their boats through the jungle rivers of the world MURDERING innocent Animatronic Hippos.  For those of you who have been following our blog for any amount of time, this is no longer startling news.  That is why it is so important that we keep this ugly truth in the light.  It is easy to slip back into 60 year old habits.

In other recent news, Disneyland has once again raised it’s ticket prices.  This is also no longer startling as the company has been steadily raising prices year after year.  In fact one day ticket prices have increased 87% in the last decade.  Critics have bashed Disney over the annual price hikes without seeing any significant investment back into the park.  Our insider contacts have uncovered why this is, and it all links back to the Animatronic Hippos.

As we mentioned earlier the daily massacre of Animatronic Hippos has been going on for nearly 60 years now.  None of the pencil pushers at Disney could have anticipated the long term popularity of this attraction.  Long term sustainability was of no concern.  This was during the 1950’s when Animatronic Hippo populations were at their highest historical levels.  Fast forward 60 years to now.  Animatronic Hippos are now on the verge of extinction, which has driven up their costs exponentially.  But that will not stop the Corporate Disney Devils from “putting on the show” for their guests.  With the 60th Anniversary of the park just a few months away, the rivers of the world will once again fill with the blood of endangered Animatronic Hippos, and we the public are paying for it.

Over the last few months many of the Hippo deniers out there have claimed that, “the Skippers no longer shoot AT the Animatronic Hippos.”  What these nut jobs aren’t taking into consideration are the cold hard facts of science that Disney does not want you to hear. When the skippers fire their guns into the air to “scare off the hippos” where do you think the bullets go?  What goes up must come down.  And with years of daily practice, the Skippers have gotten horrifyingly accurate at shooting hippos this way.

All of us here at the AAHCS had hoped that conditions for the Animatronic Hippos would have improved by now.  But unfortunately our work is far from done.  Please join our cause, and help us save the Animatronic Hippos.

Caitlin Wahlstrom

Jeremy Kohrs

Friday, November 15, 2013

Glockin' Around The Christmas Tree at the Jingle Cruise

It’s that time of year again.  The weather gets a little bit colder.  The smell of gingerbread and peppermint floats through the air.  Adorned trees twinkle with lights in the night as green and red waters prominently color the rivers of the world.

Unfortunately not even during the Christmas season are our Hippo friends safe from their daily executions.  This season has become more dire as the Mouse recently unveiled a seasonal overlay called, The Jingle Cruise.  You may laugh at the name, but this overlay is no laughing matter.

The updated attraction poster plays up the holiday cheer and downplays the murder.

Since we at the AAHCS learned about this overlay late last month, we’ve had several teams investigating Disney’s ultimate end goal with this project.  Our findings couldn’t be any more repulsive. 

What Disney plans to do is kill even more hippos!

Since our organization became widely recognized among the Disney community in 2011, Disney has been doing everything in its power to keep the ride open and fuel its murderous compulsions.  Our followers have been very vocal and unrelenting in sending our message to the Mouse.  However the Disney marketing machine had a few tricks up its sleeve that we as an organization did not anticipate.
Their plan was to dress up the Jungle Cruise ride with cheerful Christmas decorations and witty Christmas puns, to overshadow the fact that they plan to kill more hippos this season than in seasons past.  The marketing boys in Burbank discovered by adding a holiday themed overlay to the attraction, daily ridership would increase dramatically.  As proven in the past by It’s a Small World and Haunted Mansion.  In doing so, they can now push more cruise boats down the river.  More boat captains would need to be brought in to meet the demands of the increased crowds clamoring to see the “limited time magic”.
With more boats prowling the rivers the time in between attacks has become much shorter.  Our hippo friends are now more vulnerable than ever.  What makes this news even worse is that this overlay not only affects the hippos of Anaheim.  The Magic Kingdom park in Orlando is also getting the Jingle Cruise update. 

At the AAHCS we will not stand for this!

Our hippo friends on both coasts are in serious need of our support.

We want a hippopotamus to not get shot for Christmas.
This is not an acceptable way to celebrate the Christmas season.
Thank you for your continued support and Hippo Holidays from all of us here at the AAHCS!

Caitlin Wahlstrom

Jeremy Kohrs

Saturday, June 16, 2012

Disney Uses Cars as Cover-up for CARNAGE!

The Mouse House has been busy lately.  As many of you may know this weekend marks the public unveiling of the new expansions at the Disney California Adventure park in Anaheim.  We at the AAHCS would under normal circumstances welcome these enhancements, but we have gotten wind of a story that makes the expansion project much more sinister.

Many of you know John Lasseter as the man who directed the Toy Story and Cars franchises for Pixar Animation Studios, of which he was one of the founding members.  Over the past few years he has also taken on the role of Principal Creative Advisor at Walt Disney Imagineering.  But what you may not know is that Mr. Lasseter has a dark past that makes him public enemy #1 to the AAHCS...

He was a Jungle Cruise Skipper Hippo MURDERER!

Now they naysayers will state,"But he is a changed man.  It's been over 20 years since he held that job."  And while we at the AAHCS would like to believe that sentiment, we did some digging and discovered a vile plan that traces the expansion plans of the California Adventure Park back to the daily killings of Animatronic Hippos!

The California Adventure Park since opening in 2001 has been a disappointment among the fan community.  It was built on the cheap, was very uninspired, and failed to bring in the huge crowd levels the big wigs in Anaheim had originally anticipated.  In 2006 Disney bought Pixar and through that acquisition brought Lasseter back into the fold.  It was then that he began working with Imagineering on plans to boost attendance, with his own desires at the heart of it.  A year later in 2007 the plans were announced to the public as a multi-year expansion with a projected budget of $1.1 billion.

The highlight of the expansion was an all new land based on Lasseter's film Cars. The popularity of that brand was sure to be a huge draw, which is just what they wanted.  The park which had been struggling for so long would finally we getting the tickets sales it needed but John Lasseter would also be getting something in return.

Since his leaving Disney John has often mentioned how he missed being a Jungle Cruise Skipper.  With his new found celebrity, due to his creations at Pixar, it was obvious that he wouldn't be able to cruise the rivers of the world and shoot hippos without making headlines.  This is where Carsland comes into play.  With everyone flocking to California Adventure to see the new expansions, Disneyland becomes a ghost town.  Now John Lasseter is free to take up his old habits and shoot hippos without negative repercussions from the media!

We at the AAHCS have worked too hard to let this happen.  But we need your help!  We need all of our Hippo Heroes to stay vigilant, and help to keep Adventureland free of John Lasseter's tyrannical reign of terror.  If you see him take evidence and notify us at the AAHCS at once.  This summer is crucial in our fight to save our Animatronic Hippo friends.  Please join us.

Thank you for your continued support!

Caitlin Wahlstrom

Jeremy Kohrs

Tuesday, February 21, 2012

New Developments

This last weekend was without a doubt a very busy weekend for us at the AAHCS.  We've made progress while also adding to our list of enemies.

This past weekend a very special event was held at Six Flags Magic Mountain, in Valenica, CA.  However, due to conflicts in scheduling, an AAHCS representative was not present to document the event.  Robb Alvey, owner of Theme Park Review and loyal supporter of the AAHCS was on hand to document the festivities. 

"Well it was epic.  They brought out their old animatronic
hippo from the Granny Grand Prix ride.  We had a ceremony,
and released it into the wild."
- Robb Alvey

We also recently received an anonymous tip from our secret informant Christopher Lundy.  He reported to us that the Jungle Cruise attraction has aquired a new sponser.  Current Jungle Cruise Murderers Skippers are now using the following in their spiel...

"The Jungle Cruise has been brought to you today by the Hippo
Farmers of America.  Hippo: The other-other white meat."

We here at the AAHCS are appalled, as usual, by Disney's corporate greed.  We did some digging and were horrified to find that through their deal with the HFA, Disney is being supplied with hippo meat product which is unknowingly being served in the parks!  It is sickening that hippos both real and animatronic have such little meaning to these corporate bureaucrats.

The next disturbing bit of news was uncovered via Disney's own facebook page. 

Famous Hollywood actor, Seth Rogen, is now on file saying he "...wanted to be the guy who ran the Jungle Cruise, and shoot cap guns at animals."

We find it sickening that our culture has become so desensitized to violence toward animatronic animals. With Seth Rogen willing to be their poster-boy, it's only a matter of time before Hollywood begins to cash in on this trend.   Instead of Observe and Report, Pineapple Express, and Zach and Miri Make a Porno we'll begin seeing films like Observe and Shoot, Pineapple Whip, yum... no wait... Kill Hippo Express, and Zach and Miri Shoot a Hippo.

Finally, Knott's Berry Farm held a press conference last Sunday during which the following question was asked...  (Skip ahead to 24:40 mark)

It troubles us that Knott's representatives handled the question in such a light-hearted way.  The situation of our hippo friends has never been so dire.  The time for laughing is over.  We need to roll up our sleeves and get to work for this cause before it is too late.

Thank you for your continued support!

Caitlin Wahlstrom

Jeremy Kohrs

Wednesday, December 14, 2011

A Christmas Message from AAHCS

The holidays are meant to be a season of joy and giving. Unfortunately, more recently it has become a time of stress and selfishness. We here at AAHCS would like to remind all of you to not lose sight of what is truly important this Christmas... Animatronic Hippos.

Awareness of this dire situation has been waning as of late and the AAHCS would like to ensure that our loyal supporters never forget- the animatronic hippos of America STILL need your help! While you sit in front of a warm fire opening gifts this Christmas, please remember that our hippo friends are out in the cold jungle waters still being attacked every ten minutes.

AAHCS thanks all of you, our supporters, for raising awareness in your communities. If you haven't yet, please consider donating to our cause by purchasing an AAHCS t-shirt. They make GREAT stocking stuffers!


Thank you for your continued support!

Caitlin Wahlstrom

Jeremy Kohrs